The Secret To Happiness

HAPPY SEPTEMBER.

I don’t know about y’all, but I’ve never been happier for a new month. Although I’m sad that summer is coming to an end…I needed August to end. For many, August brings a major period of transition. Whether that be transition to a new school year, a new job, a new city, a new apartment, and a transition out of summer mode. August for me was moving to a new apartment and starting a new semester - easy right? Definitely wrong. It was hard. But, I did it! And I’m so excited to keep getting settled and even more excited for another year of graduate school. 

I started my internship this week, and I came across a quote in some of the readings I was doing to better understand the work I will be doing this year. It’s a Chinese proverb that one of the Rabbi’s included in a High Holiday sermon: 

“If you want happiness for an hour - take a nap. If you want happiness for a day - go fishing. If you want happiness for a month - get married. If you want happiness for a year - inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime - help others.”

Whoever said this must have been freakishly wise, because there is SO MUCH here. My brain goes to a few different places - what is happiness for each of us? But even more importantly, the act of helping others holds so much power in how one may define their happiness. As I enter year two of graduate school, basically learning to be a professional helper of others, I feel like I’m carrying so many bricks on my back, but also light as a feather at the same time.  There are so many smaller things that we all do to feel happy throughout the days, the years, the months, but to truly be happy for a lifetime, there is some deep work that needs to be done. 

As I reflect on how this proverb resonates with me in my own life, I think about balance. The balance I am constantly working towards when it comes to helping others, and meeting my own needs. I do find happiness in the act of helping people - it’s the classic answer in the first social work class of every semester. “Why social work?” “I want to help people!” But it’s the hard work, and even the personal growth that comes from these meaningful interactions. The challenges that come with that? The neglect of our own needs that comes with it. The recovering perfectionism, the high expectations we set for ourselves, the grace we can easily give to others but never to ourselves. How can we ensure a lifetime of happiness if we can’t also help ourselves? It’s more than a nap, a hobby, a happy marriage. It’s working to find balance, every single damn day. And that looks different - for each of us - every single day. But it’s also necessary to show up as our best selves, so that we can be that version when it’s our time to help the people. This balance, this work, this forgiveness, grace, and love is where the deep happiness can come and stay. 

Tonight is the first Shabbat of the month of Elul, the final lunar month before the Jewish New Year. I like to describe Elul as an extended Yom Kippur, it just comes a month earlier.. During the month of Elul we can reflect on this past year as we repair to practice T’shuvah, repentance. This Shabbat, I offer you an opportunity to reflect on this proverb and what you want happiness to look like and feel like to you not only this week, but for this year, and maybe even a lifetime. Bring this proverb to your Shabbat dinner table, or maybe just journal about it with yourself. Help yourself first by being with your thoughts, pausing, reflecting, and digging deep into your lifetime of happiness.

Forever grateful for you taking the time to read and reflect. Shabbat Shalom!

Ethically,

Emily

P.S. If you’re feeling like you want someone to chat about this with, send me an email :) I’d love to hear your thoughts and have some thought partners on this one!!